on surrender (feeling + letting go of attachment)

NATURAL + TEXTURAL : really feeling the things that mean a lot to me + letting go

Dear Surrendering Self,

I find you in those moments when the next step doesn't matter because there is no seperation between me and the moment.

We have had to let go many times, but surrender is an even deeper cleanse and release.

I know I was introduced to you during childbirth. That was something that had to be given up to another level.

Surrendering self you believe in divine timing. You are so good at FLOW, you don't push or pull, you listen to the subtle guidance and TRUST.

Surrendering Self, you know we do not have to worry. You know we gonna be alright. You glide.

You are the road to true freedom. You are not easy to come by especially when faced with years of conditioning to keep it all under control, especially when things appear to be falling apart. Surrendering self you are brave you are strength. You don't care what others may say. You prepare us for what we don't even realise is possible.

Thank you surrendering self for letting go of the limits, the blocks. Thank you for carrying me through emotions to the otherside even when I want to rush ahead. Hurdling all the hard emotions. Surrender you say forget about pulling it together... let's break open and find new space to light up.

Surrendering self lets creativity do its thang. You are so true to the heart of things. A good reminder you are that we don't have to do this all alone.

We just read The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks (as recommended by Dad) and surrendering self you picked up on this :

 It is about the miracle cancer cells of Henrietta that have lived on long after her soul transitioned. There are questions about medical ethics, how the medical/science field has treated african american patients.  It is about family and completing stories. it is about healing emotional wounds. But these are the pages that spoke to me the most.

Immortality: soul cleansing

'Do something to relax yourself... 'I can't help it... I worry all the time.'...'sometimes we care about stuff too much. We worry when there's nothing to worry about'... 'and we bring our own body down by doing it.'

Thank lord....but please HELP ME, because I know I can't handle this burden myself...Lord, take that BURDEN... I can't carry it no more, Lord. You wanted me to give it to you and I just didn't want to, but you can have it now Lord. You can HAVE IT! Hallelujah, amen"

'Somethings you got to release' ... 'Bible says He can carry all that burden'

I'll leave it there for now

Much Love + be wonderful

LaToya

SEEK BALANCE (over time)

SEEK BALANCE

(over time)

for me balance is something that is cultivated over time.

balance is more of a reminder that i have options than a perfect organisation of activities

balance looks different for each of us.

if i find myself feeling uneasy or frustrated i can look at what i may be leaning too heavily on (usually thoughts) or what i have been neglecting.

For example, perhaps I have forgotten to give gratitude for what I currently have + my energy has been too focused on what I want to achieve... I will feel this in my body as a tightening + I will be reminded to rebalance... reallocate my energy + give thanks.

balance is recognising my cycles of energy + knowing what tools to use to bring myself back to a place of ease + comfort in my body. reminding myself that i get too choose my thoughts + reactions.

balance is compassion

balance is a mindset tool

balance is a practice

balance is the natural state my body will always seek.

i can look to balance to relocate my center (inner home).

Journal prompt: how do I seek balance? Is balance attainable? Is balance important? Can I see balance in my life over longer periods of time even if I dont see it everyday?

be wonderful

♡

LaToya

Resources:  

• Listen to this interview where Lee Lee Thompson introduces the concept of the blend.

Facing Shadows (Dear Fearful Self)

Dear Fearful Self,

I am pretty sure you're around for a reason, I think i signed up for you to join me before I came here. I think you came along on the ride to remind me of things I might forget in the passage.

Fearful self the only thing is I let you decide things a little more than I care to admit, I thought I could keep you in the shadow and pretend you were not there. I had a master plan to fire you from your job, to get rid of you completely, it was going to be a systematic job... but lucky for you I received several insider tips (thanks to inquisitive self for always being on the look out). The tips said I could keep you around as a guide to remind me when I need to look closer at my worries and look at their validity. Turns out your concerns tend to keep us in the past and future, yeah I know its a shame because there is only ever NOW. Ha, imagine that.

Fearful self sometimes we have passed up experiences and opportunities because of what we thought might happen or what others might think or because we have set arbitrary rules about what we can and can not do. Fearful self you seem afraid of the unknown and stuck in perfection. You tend to be a downer, I'm being a bit harsh, but it's time we work out our boundaries because I KNOW life is not meant to be a full time struggle.

So all this to say I am keeping you around (I mean you are a part of me), but we are going to bring all your concerns to the table with Loving Self and Courageous Self before we make any final decisions, cool? Great. Deal. We can get through this together.

LOVE + LIGHT

Me

ae Wonderful

♡

LaToya

CURRENTLY READING (long song + belonging)

CURRENTLY READING is a series of posts I will be writing about books I read. They are like creative book reviews. I will leave journal prompts at the end based on questions the books made me muse on. 

A Long Song + The Art Of Belonging.

Traveling in the bus means that some nights we stay in caravan parks with free book swaps + i pick up random books i would not normally read or come across.

Somehow the books I pick up tend to have a connection to one another even if they seem to be talking about completely different things

The common thread here is using research of factual events to tell fictional stories that allow unheard stories to be told.

The long song brings a voice to jamacian ancestors who were enslaved that have had their point of view cut out of history.

(writing as resistance)

Andrea Levy says : "But what I wanted to explore isn't in our history books. I wanted to put back in the voices of everyday life for black Jamaicans that are so silent in the record...I was trying to breathe back the life of ordinary peopleinto the skeleton of recorded events. And that requires imagination as well as research."

I am still reading the art of belonging, but a few standout quotes so far:

"We're tribal. We're social. We're communal. We need to BELONG."

"It's not only children: it takes a village to keep an adult sane and sensible, too"

"The way we respond to people who are UNLIKE us is the best test of our moral integrity."

Journal Prompt: How does my imagination change the story of my day, my life, my history? is my point of view basically run by my IMAGINATION?

be wonderful

♡

LaToya

THRIVE (Dear Joyful Self)

I know I am thriving when my days are JOYFUL more than not. I know I am thriving when I'm full of peace + my concerns are of an optimistic vibration (and no where near worry).

Thriving is iving life to its fullest, on our own terms. When we share our unique talents + point of view.

Enjoying myself is self care.

Creativity is my self care.

I've been mapping my journey + musings back to my inner home as part of a 100 day project. Love letters  are part of this map.

Dear Joyful Self,

I know you are most free when I am creating - when I am in that zone where thoughts pass with ease.

Joyful self I love that you embrace the magic of life in every turn. Joyful self you leave worries behind and embrace each moment as freedom to just BE. Joyful self ...laughs loud ...smiles wide ...is silly ...is adventurous ...is free and doesn't take life so seriously.

You are A SMILE (of  e n t h u s i a s m ). It's when I know my happiness + wellbeing scribe my path in the land.

Perhaps a lasting JOY is wide open + accepted by ourselves as our rightful place.

no matter what we are pursuing or doing or being or sharing.

A feeling of wellbeing that brings a contentment - a pleasurable state of being that feels like reaching an inner home - where we know we are right where we need to be no matter what it looks like.

It is so joyful we want to keep expanding - we don't put restrictions on our potential.

perhaps this joy allows for all the range of emotions to be felt + lived, but it provides a homing device that brings us back into alignment.

Perhaps a lasting HAPPINESS stretches our capacity for creating + interacting + collaborating + dreaming...

Joyful self drinks in calm and ease. My joyful self knows I am DIVINE + WHOLE. My joyful self is my true self and I am so honoured to know you.

LOVE Me xx

P.S. I miss you deeply when the mind gets the best of me, but when you are here I know we are HOME. Visit often, you are eternally welcome here.

Be Wonderful

♡

LaToya

I participated in a reflective challenge hosted by Little Olive Bird on Instagram. These included open letters to Self. They all helped me to embrace myself just a bit more. So I will continue to share that series again here with additions as I see fit.